Not to brag but I’ve just got back from a solo trip to Barcelona and I’m feeling very smug. I give you permission to eye-roll as I continue to tell you that it was sunny all weekend with temperatures in the low twenties while reminding you that back in England it was miserable grey skies and snow. Okay, I’ll stop now that’s out of my system. More than anything, I feel proud of myself. I did it! I travelled abroad alone for a whole weekend and it was wonderful! I am powerful and nothing can stop me. Huzzah.
Spending time with yourself and going it alone is such an act of bravery, especially in a world that’s built for couples, twos and groups. You showing up for you is brave. The relationship you have with yourself needs to be nurtured much the same as the relationships you have with others. You can forever count on yourself to be your ally, friend, and confidant when you back yourself, believe in yourself and live in alignment with your values. So I’m saying a big fat well done to me for the incredibly hard task of going on holiday. Ha!
In London, I’m on my own at some point every day. Walking to work or to the gym or the shops. Travelling to meet friends for drinks or dinners for parties. The familiarity of it gives us comfort but beyond that nothing much is different. Truth is, no one actually cares. We’re all so aware of ourselves but no one is aware of us. When you’re walking alone in the centre of a big city or by yourself on the tube no one is looking or judging. Do you notice people on their own, simply for the fact they’re not with anyone? There is no big flashing sign over your head screaming that you don’t belong. Still, I’ll admit that kind of confidence is easy to write down but doesn’t come all that naturally. It’s something I proactively need to remind myself of.
Cleopatra and Frankenstein by Coco Mellors was my holiday read of choice. You’d already know this if you follow me on Instagram because it has snuck (deliberately been positioned) into lots of photos on my stories. Anyway, loving it and would recommend. There’s a moment when main character Cleo is in a restaurant alone drinking wine.
Cleo took a dip sip of her wine, and then another. She had not yet managed the art of being alone in public unselfconsciously, of feeling that she could watch instead of being watched.
This! Is what I declared to myself in my head when I read it. It’s exactly how I felt too. A balancing act of feeling unbothered and empowered by my loneness swinging back to quashing feelings of judgement and embarrassment. You’ll also never guess what, I actually ended up sitting next to someone on my flight home also reading this book too!!! Really manifested and spoke that into existence, didn’t I?
The only downsides I found were that most places only serve paella for a minimum of 2 people, something that feels unnecessarily exclusionary, and tapas for one also doesn’t work that well. Oh, and a restaurant host thought I was in a thruple with a couple standing behind me, rather than believe I could be queueing for a restaurant on my own. But more fool her and anyone who makes you feel it’s wrong to sit alone, eat alone or explore your relationship with yourself. Although, nothing wrong with being in a thruple either. Everyone just go and do what you want, with or without, who you want, when you want. Capeesh?
I really got into the swing of things by my third and final night. As I sat down to dinner I thought of Cher saying “Mom, I am a rich man”. Within the same breath, I knew the trip needed to end. At least I amuse myself if nothing else. And now, a segue that we don’t have time to get into. A ‘Drafting’ special, you could say. In therapy, I talked about feeling like I’m walking on a tightrope and needing to strengthen all the different safety nets below me. The nets were symbolic of family, friends, work etc. and also there was one net for myself as well. I needed to learn how I could be one of my own support networks too. I can whisk myself away and enjoy my own company and it’s such a big win. (That’s how me and Cher are the same if it wasn’t clear).
I mean if someone else also wants to whisk me away I am available for future whisking opportunities. But I don’t need someone to and that’s a big win.
P.S. Based on conversations I’ve had with many of my friends, it feels like there’s a desire to take solo trips but some fear on how to go about it, whether or not they’ll enjoy it etc. If it would be helpful to share what I did in Barcelona, tips and tricks, and cover some of the deliberate choices I made to make things easier when travelling alone let me know. Happy to pull something together!