Solo trips are healing for the soul. I took a 2-night trip to Spain this week and it was everything I could have wanted. It’ll be no surprise to those who know me that I got my hotel at an absolute steal of a price too. I am known for finding good deals. Queen of Discount Codes - why pay more when you can pay less? One of the many tricks I have up my sleeve. I even used some of my Avios points towards my flight as well, justifying the money I spent on an Uber to the airport. Girl math.
Mentally, I could not have done this in the place I was earlier in the year. The first few months of 2024 were filled with a chaos that made even the easiest of everyday tasks feel challenging. As adept as I (mostly) consider myself to be in terms of solo trips and activities, it requires resolute courage. Particularly when travelling abroad alone as a woman to a country that speaks a different tongue. As someone with a lot of anxiety and prone to overthinking, spending any length of time alone has felt torturous when I’m struggling at my worst. My stubborn and independent ego would hate to admit that I do sometimes need trust and rely on the company of others. I am an introvert by nature and I enjoy spending time by myself. It’s where I get my energy from. It invigorates me. Reading, writing, swimming and lots of the things I love most benefit from captivating my sole attention. How selfish of them.
As I write this now, here in Seville, sitting on my bed wrapped up in a robe (a real one of a kind as you shall find out in Sunday’s Offcuts) post-shower watching TV, I feel a million miles away from those feelings earlier in the year. Or technically just over a thousand miles away. I realise I’ve missed this. I only wish I had done it sooner. But I shall be kind to myself for knowing why I didn’t, remembering that hindsight is often unhelpful and I’m glad I’m right here, right now.
Despite everything, it’s just like riding a bike. Every solo trip I’ve taken has been easier. The self consciousness wears off quicker each time. Quickly, I can now fall into the easy step of taking each day as it comes, not overridden with guilt for the expectation for things I should do. I am in complete control! Of what I do, when I do it, when I wake up, when to have dinner, what to eat, or simply just chilling in my room to escape the scorching heat and get my money’s worth for the hotel. All decisions are mine and require no compromise or collaboration.
I have learned to anticipate the surfacing of thoughts and emotions I’ve been ignoring. Ones I’ve been avoiding or not given the right attention to. They bubble right up to the surface when you spend enough time by yourself. You can’t escape. All you can do is sit with the uncomfortableness of it and push through. It’s cathartic, by the end and I feel grateful for the privilege of travelling, of plucking myself out of life momentarily and letting myself simply be.
All of those activities I love, reading, writing and swimming, played an important part in my trip. I engaged in the act of flânerie, exploring a new city ambling around in wonderment listening to podcasts. I daydreamed a lot. I went to the Real Alcázar, a royal palace with a lengthy history dating back to the 11th century. I found it fascinating because of all the secret rooms and passageways, hidden courtyards and locked doors. I have always loved the idea of finding something undiscovered. A trap door, a room behind a bookcase. Secrets and mystery in abundance. I tried to imagine myself as a princess or someone of significance from the Middle Ages (a middle-aged woman?) roaming around the pristine gardens. My skirts, adorned with intricate patterns popular at the time, swishing with every step.
I allow myself to ask questions I will never know the answers to. About who might have lived in other houses I walk by. What parties and celebrations might have taken place in the streets where I stood over the previous hundreds of years, in a place entirely new to me. A place that's existence I did not even fully conceive of until arriving here. Seeing it. Being in it.
I return. Revitalised and reset. Oh, and my gorgeous glowing skin-kissed tan has been nicely topped up too.
Loved this one, Mary! So happy you are back in your solo travelling stride. This trip sounds really glorious. Having spent 3 weeks now near enough solo in the mountains, I have so many thoughts on the euphoric independence, restorative benefits but also the darker, lonely moments of solo travelling; what it takes from us and what it gives us. Perhaps will write about it soon!