I am never letting go
Spending too long holding on
The time is nearing for a spring clean and I am well in need of one. I’ve made headway already. Cleaning and sorting out things stored away under my bed. Conservatively parting ways with a few bathroom items. Mostly things I had been gifted, received as samples or from my rogue lockdown Birchbox subscription. Things weren’t thrown away, instead placed in the stairwell of my building for people to claim. After watching an episode of The Apprentice, a quick peek outside the door revealed that nothing remained! Next on my list is my T-shirt drawer. It is at maximum capacity, full of tops I don’t wear and some that haven’t seen the light of day in so long they’ve probably got rickets. But I struggle with feeling wasteful.
I hate throwing things away and I love to hold onto things. I project sentimentalism onto objects of complete non importance. For a long time I attempted to keep every single cinema ticket I ever had. The paper was waxy and eventually all the text faded leaving me with nothing to help me remember any of the films anyway. I find it hard to part with things. Boarding passes, travel cards from other countries, museum stubs. As a creative, anything can be inspirational. Or maybe that’s pure optimism? I wouldn’t usually refer to myself as such, realist is the neutral and indecisive answer I give when asked if my glass is half full or half empty.
I love things but I get easily overwhelmed by them too. Everything needs to have a home and a dedicated space, drawer, or position.
When I was little, perhaps about 9, I became consumed with fear that my house might burn down in the night. For months, I’d plan my exit route: out the window and sideways onto the roof of the porch over the front door. I was meticulous about the things I wanted to save, too. Around the same time my Mum bought some new pots and pans. I salvaged the box they came in for my most precious what-are-you-saving-when-the-house-burns-down keepsakes. It was quickly adorned with stickers, helping to make my morbid obsession a little more lighthearted. In the box was a mix of photographs, notebooks and my favourite toys. I distinctly remember safely storing my pink Nintendo DS away each evening.
During the time of the house fire house my Dad also went on a work trip to New York, returning with the most wonderful gifts. They went into the box too. The box quickly became overfilled as I extended my love for other objects, impressing importance upon them.
I used the paper Macy’s and Bloomingdale’s bags my Dad had carefully packed to bring home our gifts to store more things. In the end, I think I ended up with the not-particularly-small box and three bags as well. In the end, I realised I would never be able to save myself and everything as well. After a while, with a total count of zero fires experienced, I rehomed all my items and threw away the box.
I like to avoid coming face-to-face with my own overconsumption. In the UK, we are some of the worst culprits. We consume roughly 20% more than the global average and of the 15.3 tonnes of materials on average we use per person per year, only 7.5% of it is reused. Things have only been getting worse. From 2016 to 2021 we globally consumed over 75% of what we did for the entire 20th century. I often feel stuck in a chicken-vs-egg loop with clothing. What came first, the demand for clothing consumption from the masses… or the supply and inundation of mass-produced clothing, with fashion trends changing in the blink of an eye and the disregard for quality with things now designed to break - they don’t make ‘em like they used to, huh.
So for what’s within my control, how can I spring clean without guilt and free-up much needed space in my drawers?
I use Vinted a lot. Anything potentially worth my time of taking and uploading photos will go up on there. I’ll donate to a local charity shop or use clothing and textile recycling bins for the rest. There are a number of Traid banks within walking distance for me. I’ve used iCollectClothes in the past as well. Letting friends raid your go-to pile can also be fun or you can even use it as an opportunity to get more creative. In the last year or so, I’ve gotten much better at taking things to the tailors with a vision (like a green satin midi skirt I fell out of love with, turning it into a mini skirt that I wore all last summer).
It’s out with the old and in with the self-restraint not to fill my drawers straight back up to the brim again.
