Tomorrow I’ll be exactly 28 and a half. I think I’ve probably ended up crying on nearly every birthday I’ve had so far. I’ve always put it down to the pressure of knowing the day will be etched into my mind and memories for years to come. My senses are heightened and I feel almost out of body as I float through the passing hours. I end up crying not because I’ve had a bad day. I appreciate every message I’m sent and the time friends and family want to spend with me celebrating. It’s so nice to feel remembered and loved. But I cry because of the anticipation and the expectation to have a perfect day. I cry because I get infuriated at myself for not feeling like it’s ever enough. That my birthday should be some film-like fairytale spectacle that I most probably wouldn’t even enjoy and wouldn’t suit me at all. Turns out I am definitely not alone.
This week I learnt about ‘Perfect Moment Syndrome’. Author and podcaster
wrote a beautiful piece about her disillusionment on a longed-for trip to Italy with her husband and the ways she fought back against it. She references the book First, We Make the Beast Beautiful by Sarah Wilson, where the first mention of the term derived from.“It resonates because it’s true – we can all think of a situation that we expected to go one, particularly successful, way, but ended up being a major disappointment.”
I would say it even goes beyond birthdays, weddings, holidays, Christmas or other big events. Even our worst days are meant to look like our best in an ever overly-curated and staged world. Social media has sucked the authenticity out of life almost entirely. The need and desire to immortalise moments and firm them into existence with photos and hard evidence has persisted for the best part of the 21st century. Pics or it didn’t happen. I think those of us who’ve grown up as social media burgeoned in the late noughties, bursting its way into our lives are all just so fatigued. We’re exhausted at the thought of sharing updates on our lives. It’s become a chore but simultaneously something we can’t give up. We’re addicted.
Expectations are higher than ever to exist perfectly which has increased anxiety and anticipation, especially over events and milestones. The way we seek validation from others has become embedded into how we live our lives. We have an inability to relax and lean into the present. Constantly overthinking about the ways a moment will be remembered or perceived by others. Fuelled by comparison culture and the feeling of inadequacy.
In actual fact it’s the more spontaneous days, the unplanned and by chance, that stick most vividly in my mind. Perfect moments that found their way by complete surprise. Not chasing joy but being gifted by it anyway. The times when my phone has been firmly out of sight and I haven’t given a second thought to taking a photo of what’s happening. Being in the moment rather than preoccupied with capturing it. Never underestimate the power of the unexpected, I suppose.